• このページのトップへ

Some things that keep bothering me

1. Holy shit it's the end of February already. Only a month left of my freedom. I want to cry

2. Been busy trying to figure out the best way to move my stuff to the new apartment, but I don't even know yet which room I will occupy?! It seems that there is no other way than throwing away all my furniture and buying a new one for the new room, and send all my belongings in boxes using the 宅急便....because 引っ越し業者 are expensive as hell and my friends are busy....

3. I'm going to have a driving test on March 22. If I fail...........well, I will have to reapply in Yokohama, god knows when I will be able to do that. I'm pretty sure I won't be able to get a day off to do that this year...

4. I wanted to go to New York to visit my sister in March but I cancelled the trip because there are still many uncertainties and I decided not to take the risk. And my boyfriend said that it will be just a waste of money and how I shouldn't go.

5. I don't know why but talking to my boyfriend always has this effect of making me feel more depressed and pessimist of my future. Maybe that's not what he intended to do....but I just can't help it. Like everything I've been doing is always full of mistake. (well, it is...because I'm stupid and childish) My worry always multiplies after getting a lecture or two from him. And he keeps saying that I should just go home, marry him and help him do his business.....because I 100% won't survive working here.

6. Well shit if you ask me I don't even know what I want in this life. I feel stupid. I'm not independent at all. I feel like as if without my boyfriend I'm doomed to failure. Surrendering Helping him with his business in exchange for the advices and help he's been giving me seems like the most noble thing I should do.

7. My new hobby is reading the subreddit Let's Not Meet. It's a page where people share their stories about stalkers, being creeped on, strange encounters... I don't know why but I always like reading stories like that. Especially if it actually happened to someone. I learn a lot from that subreddit, for example to not trust strangers, never forget to lock your doors and stuff. Living alone is dangerous.


Hon kawagoe 2月16日

The last time I went here was 3 years ago. I went here again two weeks ago, accompanying my friend who'd never been there. I had nothing better to do on that day, so I thought why not?




We met a group of middle aged women who went to this ice cream shop because Yong-hwa and Seohyun went here when they visited Japan as part of the We Got Married program. I actually don't know anything about kpop, but anyway that's what N told me and what I found out from this heart shaped message. This was some kind of 聖地巡礼....?





Early sakura!




I love this manhole art.


Too bad some houses(?) were under renovation.



Last year's christmas gift

As I've said before, for some reason I don't know, ANA decided to upgrade my flight to business class last December.
For free.
It was one of the best experiences of my life.






The food was awesome. I ate....and drank a lot of alcohol.....lol





Ippudo ramen, which I couldn't finish. LOL








I know it's not so new anymore...but I still laugh every time I watch ブルゾンちえみ
I will put these on my blog so that I can watch them again and laugh again.
Listen to her wisdom words, girls.

Even that guy from Arashi did the guy version, which is also funny.

I missed this on TV, but this Valentine edition is also worth watching. Her face when she said 質...........HAHAHA


Tag! before I go to sleep

Found this from tumblr, as usual. I feel like posting something but am too lazy to post photos, so I'll answer these questions. When I'm older I intend to read these again and laugh at my old self. lol

1. What's your middle name, and do you like it?
I don't have one
2. are you artistic?
Maybe. I can draw pretty well.
3. Have you had your first kiss?
4. What is your life goal?
To become happy
5. Do you have any experiences with a famous person?
No...? Oh, I've met Pewdiepie, but didn't talk to him. (as I didn't know who he was and wasn't interested in him) Only took photos of my friend with him.
6. Do you play any sports?
7. What's your worst fear?
Failing in life and disappointing my parents
8. Who's your biggest inspiration?
Ah.... I don't know. I respect some people though.
9. Do you have any cool talents?
Drawing/CG. Not cool? Okay.
10. are you a morning person?
11. How do you feel about pet names?
I'm cool with them.
12. Do you like to read?
I like to read fanfictions (but only when I have something I'm obsessed about), creepy pasta, anything about mysterious happenings in this world.... ah..stuff like that. I don't read many books...only textbooks.....LOL....
13. Name a list of shows that have changed your life.
14. Do you care about your follower count?
15. What's the best dream you've had?
I can't think of anything that I would mark as 'best'.... but when I was in junior high I had a dream about meeting an online friend from the Netherlands in real life. So random. But that was fun.
16. Have you ever kissed someone of your same gender?
Lol no. But if someone paid me I wouldn't mind
17. Do you have any pets?
18. Are you religious?
Not as religious as my parents I think
19. Are you a people person?
20. Are you considered popular?
21. What is one of your bad habits?
22. What's something that makes you feel vulnerable
Speaking in public
23. What would you name your children?
No idea. I can only think of names I wouldn't want to use.
24. Who's your celebrity crush?
No crush on anyone lately... I like....hm. Daniel Craig, Eddie Redmayne, Lee Pace, etc. But I'm not obsessed with anyone at all.
25. What's your best subject?
Art? But ONLY if it's practical.
26. Dogs or cats?
CATS OF COURSE. Easy choice.
27. most used social media besides tumblr?
28. best friends name
I don't feel comfortable writing it here.
29. who does your main family consist of
Dad, mom, me, little sis
30. Chocolate or sugar
Chocolate all the way
31. have you ever been on a date?
I have
32. Do you like rollercosters?
33. Can you swim?
34. What would you do in the event of an apocolypse?
Embrace the long awaited death
35. Have you struggled with any kind of mental disorder
It never disappears
36. Are your parents together?
37. What's your favourite colour?
Black. You can't go wrong with black.
38. What country are you from/do you live in?
0-19 y.old in Indonesia, 19 y.old-now in Japan.
39. Favourite singer?
I like....bands. I like the package, not just one singer.
40. Do you see yourself being famous some day?
No. I don't want the attention.
41. Do you like dresses?
Only if it looks nice on me.
42. Favourite song right now?
43. Does talking about sex make you uncomfortable?
No, unless it involves myself or anyone in my close family. LOL
44. How old were you when you first got your period?
45. Have you ever shot a gun?
46. Have you ever done yoga?
47. Are you a horror girl?
48. Are you good at giving advice?
49. Tell us a story about your childhood.
I used to play with boys most of the time. At least until the early years of elementary school I still played with the boys in the neighborhood....? In one evening, I climbed my house's fence to get home instead of pressing the bell from outside. I ended up ripping a bit of my shirt upon landing. The end. Wait, this is not really a story, lol, but whatever. I'll write a story next time.
50. How are you doing today?
Not good
51. Were you a cute kid?
I was just a typical Chinese kid with glasses and ponytails
52. Can you dance?
53. Is there anything you do that you can't remember ever not doing?
54. Have you ever dyed your hair?
55. What colour are your eyes?
Dark brown
56. What's your favourite animal?
57. Have you ever made a huge fool of yourself?
Of course. A lot of time because I'm so socially awkward.
58. Do you have a good relationship with your parents?
59. Do you have good friends?
Not too many
60. Are you close with anyone of the lgbtq+ group?
61. What's your favourite class?
62. List all the tv shows you are watching.
Not watching anything right now, sorry.
63. Are you organized?
Ahahaha...........I want to be.
64. What was the last movie you saw? Opinion?
Rogue One. It was....fine. I never watched Star Wars before, though.
67. Which tv character do you relate to most?
TV?? I don't know.
68. What are some things that stand between you and complete happiness?
Depression, anxiety, not having any idea what I'm good at and what I want in to do in this life
69. If you received enough money to never need to work again, what would you spend your time doing?
Traveling, taking photos, drawing shits I like whenever I want
70. What would you change about your life if you knew you would never die?
Oh god. I'm not that fond of this world, to be honest. Why wouldn't I want to rest....? Nothing, I would change nothing.
71. What would you do differently if you knew that no one was judging you?
Didn't major in science in high school, take one year to enroll in a japanese language school
72. If you could start over, what would you do differently?
Socialize with more people in college
73. Would you break the law to save a loved one?
74. When was the last time you travelled somewhere new?
A month ago
75. When you think of your home, what immediately comes to mind?
My parents
76. What have you done to pursue your dreams lately? How about today?
Just trying to do whatever I'm supposed to do.....but I procrastinate a lot and that's not good.
77. What did you want to be when you were a kid?
78. If you dropped everything to pursue your dreams, what would you be risking?
Physical health
79.When did you not speak up, when you know you really should have?
This happens quite a lot to me actually. I can't remember the last time.
80. Describe the next five years of your life, and your plans, in a single sentence
Try my best in work, try to enjoy life, get married when I find anyone that feels right, move to a nicer place.
81. What would happen if you never wasted another minute of your life, what would that look like?
In a better place with better job.
82. If you could live forever, how would you spend eternity?
Noooooooooo ugh I don't want to, but if I have to....I'll spend it traveling from place to place until I get bored.
83. How would you spend a billion dollars?
Traveling and a nice house/apartment
84. If you could time travel, would you go to the past or the future?
85. What motivates you to succeed?
86. What dream that you’ve had has resonated with you the most?
87. Would you rather live in the city or the woods? Why?
City. Because woods = lots of insects.
88. Do you believe in life after death
I don't know
89. What teacher inspired you the most? How did they?
No one
90. What’s your fondest childhood memory?
Drive trip with my parents around Java
91. If you could have dinner with any one person, living or dead, who would they be and why?
My future husband? HAHAHHAHAHAHAHA no idea who that is
92. What would you have to see to cry tears of joy?
That's hard. I never cry tears of joy. Nothing has made me happy enough to cry.
93. What is the hardest lesson you had to learn in life?
Nobody actually cares about your personal problems.
94. What do you think happens after we die?
Meet people who have died before you.
95. What would you do if you would be invisible?
Stalk people and study their behavior.
96. What's something you can't do no matter how hard you try?
Be good at sports
97. Would you want to choose the sex and appearance of your offspring?
Of course I would want that
98. How did your first crush develop?
I've never had crush....as long as I remember? I wouldn't say it a crush, but...once when I was like 11-12 (?don't really remember) I thought my classmate was cute and I blushed when I lent him a pen or something (felt my cheeks burning for no reason.....? my friend pointed out that I was blushing and teased me), but that's just it. Nothing more. It happened just on that one random day. It was gone the next day. Just like that. (That's not the first time I met him and I still met him once/twice a week that time btw??) Perhaps that's the first time I think of boys as a different sex. The revelation sort of hit me suddenly. From that time on I started to take more notice in the opposite sex around me. LOL...... But damn I DO NOT BLUSH. Ever. My cheeks do not go red unless it's from the weather/physical activities like running, hiking, etc. That memory from my childhood is the only memory I have of myself blushing over someone.
Somehow that felt more human than what I feel in myself today...........sad.
99. Is there a feeling you are trying to ignore? What is it?
100. Do you live or do you just exist?





I speak nonsense.