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2015年11月

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Not much.


I haven't been writing much on this blog lately.
There's not much to say about my life.
My life is boring.
I'm antisocial.

The temperature has dropped to below 10 lately. It's cold.
I wanna go see yellow/red leaves but........maybe not now. Not today, even though it's sunny out there.

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Took this photo last week. More have turned yellow now.

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I've been eating a lot too.

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This one sucks. Don't buy it. I was just interested in the Star Wars design. But it tasted bleh

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During class. I'm too lazy to write so most of the time I just took photo of the powerpoint.

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More snacks.
Finally!! This potato chip came out again. It's the season again.

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Random photo I took after going to my prof's office.
I've finished writing my thesis btw. Yeah, even tho I graduate in September next year.
My friends who graduate in April next year haven't even finished writing the results part.
LOL
I'm so majime.

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Computer room.

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Tumblr looks so nice here with Mac. HAHAHA

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Recent weather forecast.
It's about the wind. They described the strength of the wind with "go...go...", "byu...byu..", and "hyu...hyu.." LOL

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I really really like this choco pie.
It's the only time of the year I go to McDonalds. To buy this cheap 100 yen snack.

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*snorted*


As usual, I was browsing tumblr and found these.
Gotta put these here so that I can look at them again for entertainment. LOL
These are not mine.

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This one is better, actually. It got me every time.

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Why didn't this happen in the movie.

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Dat face, tho.

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"Go on Frodo, read it"

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Real-ly stupid.

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I laughed way too much than I should on this.
(but it's not even that funny, it's just.....LOL)

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"Is that even a question?"

This shit got me more
HAHAH
Whatever you say

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Wasting time


Lately, I've been wasting a lot of my time.......watching dramas on TV, browsing tumblr and doing nothing productive.
I should panic now, but not yet.......I've wasted many days in the past few weeks but I still have time.
I still have tomorrow to do my assignments........well yeah. I still have time.
Yes, I'm that free.
Because basically I have no social life. hahahAHAHAHHAhahAHA.....

I'm thinking that I should do part time job.......I spent hours and hours searching and thinking but I have done nothing.
It just doesn't seem right. None of these seems right.
I'm a fourth year student now and I should be doing my thesis and thinking about job hunting.
But I'm too damn lazy lately. No motivation to do anything.
I only think, think and think......I'm thinking too much.
About a lot of things in this life.
There are a lot of things I regret. What have I done in the past three years? Nothing significant.

But I know I will have to push myself hard next year.
Whatever it takes, I have to get a job.
Because the society is not that kind and I don't want become anyone's gossip topic.
I don't want to become the center of anyone's attention.
As long as I live my life according to the rules and morals of the society, I will be fine.
Even though I hate it so much, I will have to interact with people everyday and prove that I am a proper member of the society.
This is the only way to survive life.

If they say I have to get bachelor degree, not 'college degree', I will. (and I'm on the way already)
If they say I have to work, I will.
If they say I have to get married, I will.
If they say I have to have sex and have children, I will.

(because if I don't, people will talk behind my back)

I never do things out of love nor passion.
I only do things as told by the society.

I am here in Tokyo not because I love Japan so much but only because this is the safest place for me to stay away from people from my past.
None of my friends is here, none of my family is here.
And the people here fits with my ideals: they don't talk much.
Since I entered high school, I have no passion for Japan anymore.
But I still went here, because it's the only possible destination for me.
I don't like Singapore and other Southeast Asian countries and China, and I don't feel that my English is good enough to compete with my friends who are studying in English-speaking countries.
I always lie about the reason I chose to study here.
I always use the "I like manga" stuff. All lies. I have no interest in the Japanese pop culture, even before I went here.
I'm not even interested in Japanese guys.

The honest reason is actually because Japan has lots of fat cats

Fuck the society.
I'm tired, actually. I have no high hopes. I just want to live as an ordinary person.
My only wish is to just live my life in silence with enough wealth, surrounded with stuff I like, and away from the place I was born and raised in.
Because if I go back, I will be reminded of my past again and I can't move on with life because of that.

The possibility of me going home after graduating uni is still there.
And it's worrying me. Not that much yet, but it will.
I don't want to die never having the life I want.
I don't want to have a pathetic life, never getting to enjoy my youth as it will last until the next few years. (well, I never got to enjoy my teenage years)
I'm tired and stupid, but I will push myself hard next year (and for the rest of my life).
I have no passion and no one is cheering for me so this is the only thing I can do.

When I die, I want people to pity me.

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浜離宮恩賜庭園11月4日


I went to Hamarikyu garden last week with my class.
It was.....too sunny. lol

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Looking emo as always.

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We went to the tea house too....

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My friend's and mine.

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After that, we just walked around Shiodome... I still had time to kill before going back to the campus for 3rd period.

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The big clock.

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It sucks that I had to go back to school for 3rd period.
And in the class, no one had read the reading so the teacher got mad and made us do an essay.
Fuck.
I need to start doing it now but I have no motivation.
I might just procrastinate and wait until night, like always. lol
Fuck.

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Renungan


I just read a good article.

https://thsppl.com/the-thing-about-your-daughter-s-virginity-d2b622ecc9f8

Growing up I kept hearing how virginity was this sacred thing that should be kept and guarded. It was constantly implied that my virginity belonged to the world — not to me. I owed it to God, my family, my community. I was to be judged by others based on how I touched my own body, how I felt about being touched by others and by when I chose to explore the blurred lines of adolescence. I was to look closely at the girls around me who had babies and had — at one time or another — contracted diseases and remember that those were the consequences when girls had sex. I was to take in after-school specials and Lifetime movies and Sex Ed videos and commit to memory the scenes in which some confused girl had sex with some brash, overstated boy only to be shunned and embarrassed afterwards.


Instead we teach our daughters that despite having wet panties and perked nipples and all the necessary emotions and “equipment” needed to engage sexually, that they should hold off —...because the boy won’t respect her, or Jesus won’t like it or she may end up pregnant or itchy or dead or sad.



Wow that's exactly what I've been told my whole life.
What she wrote is definitely my parents' belief.
And to some point, it made me believe that nobody will want to marry you if you're not a virgin anymore before marriage.
Because men only want to marry virgins.
You're worthless if you are not virgin anymore. You have no value.
God will be mad at you. You're not a good Catholic. You're a whore. People will look down at you.
My parents definitely would be super mad. or maybe disown me? lol It's a disgrace for the family?
Nobody will love you anymore.....because you're a whore.


Girls who think their bodies don’t belong to them are more likely to believe that women are a lesser species. They are more likely to make choices based on what they are being told and not how they feel.



Yeah, it's sad.
But it's the society we live in.

But lol
Still virgin or not
Have boyfriend or not
I still feel myself worthless all the time.



Btw, I was going to share this on Facebook but I decided against it because my parents have my facebook. LOL
They'd be like
Our daughter's mind is so corrupted these days
Why is she reading stuff like this?
Does she think that she can just go around have sex before marriage?
Wait, does she actually do that?!
We should take here back home!
Or something like that? Haha.

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♥vachuu♥

Author:♥vachuu♥
I speak nonsense.
英語は母国語ではないけど英語を使うのが好きな人。

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